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Here's a hard truth for my people pleasers

If you can't love yourself, how in the hell you gonna love somebody else? - RuPaul

Fellow people pleaser,

Hey. How are you doing? Take a seat here next to me. Here's a big mug of tea and your favorite cookie. We need to talk.

First, know I love you and am so happy to be in this world with you.


You have GOT to stop putting yourself last.

I'm serious. It's time.

I know you are skeptical of this. I know you feel like if you put yourself first that means you are selfish. I know you worry that by prioritizing yourself, people will stop liking you. Maybe you think they will even talk badly about you to each other.

I have great news...that's BS.

Let me convince you.

Myth: Putting yourself first means you are selfish

Think of someone you care about who is facing a challenging time.

Imagine if they told you: "I'm excited to tell you that I have decided to support myself. This means I am going to be sure I give myself time to proactively recharge instead of waiting until I'm fully drained."

What would you think? Would you think they were being selfish?

I bet you'd be SO HAPPY for them! Maybe, you'd even feel a little jealous. The great thing about jealousy is it is a quick pivot to inspiration!

Myth: Prioritizing yourself will make your friends stop liking you.

Take a dang moment and think of your friends. Spend 10 seconds thinking about each one. Picture their face & hear their voice. Notice how you feel when thinking about them.

Now, would any of those people think you're selfish?

Maybe you aren't sure. Think about what you could do that they would actually think is selfish.

Still not sure? I have a challenge for you: Have a discussion about this with your friends!

I used to stress about not being on time for things. One day I asked my friends if we could all agree that it is okay to be 5 minutes late for things. They all looked at me like I grew feathers. "Autumn, that's always the case."

For YEARS I had stressed about being on time so they wouldn't think I'm rude...for nothing!

Friends can handle each other's messiness!

Would you want a friend who stops liking you because you take care of yourself?

Autumn's dirty trick

If you've made it this far and still aren't convinced, I've got a secret weapon. I don't normally condone dirty fighting, but some things are simply worth it. YOU are worth it to me.

Ready? Are you sure? This trick is dirty, evil, rotten, and no good.

Okay. You've been warned!

If you really give a sh!t about supporting the people you care about, then you MUST take care of yourself first.

That's right. I'm tapping straight into your GUILT.

When you are drained, you don't show up as your best self.

Think about how you act when you are hangry or tired. How well are you able to show up for others when you are in that state?

I'll tell you. Not well at all! Don't believe me? Ask a good friend.

When I am drained, my husband used to refer to it as "The Demon". My family will proactively have snacks around certain events because the Hanger Demons are strong with *some* members of my family (One of them reads this - Love you!)

So, if you are really trying to show up for the people in your life. If you really want to support them. If you want to have a positive impact on them. You HAVE to put yourself first.

If you don't put yourself first, know that you are not showing up for the people you care about the way you really want to.

I'm sorry for the dirty trick. I had to do it for you.

My challenge for you

Do at least one of the following:

  • Make a list of the things that recharge you

  • Make a list of the things that drain you

  • Schedule at least 5 minutes of "Me-time" every day and 30 minutes twice a week

  • Have a conversation with a friend about this topic

  • Send this newsletter to someone who needs to hear this message

You've got this!


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